Lost

Traveling down the dark and unfamiliar road. The moon provides intermittent patches of light between the ominous billowing clouds. My head is spinning and my feet can’t find the ground. Dredging memories from my youth, trying to feverishly re-knit the past. Trying to find meaning amidst the clouds of uncertainty.

Your mind knows where to exit yet it refuses to go – not ready. Wishing there was a different route, a different choice. But alas, it is not your choice, not your decision to make. The decision rest in His hands. Even though you argue and disagree, it is His will.

So I sit, knowing that someday the tables will spin and it will be me at the head of the table. I will have to sift through the fog that slowly rolls in, filling all my void with uncertainty. I will be left, searching for the ever true light…..And I know, you will be there, right next to me.

Confidence In Truth

I often search within myself to find what I know is true. Sometimes it can be the most difficult and challenging task. For often, there lurking in the shadows of my soul, is an evil monster. While he may be small in size, he is able to bring the strongest of men crashing to their knees with just a fleeting glance. He is powerful enough to make you walk away from your wants and dreams, without a second glimpse or thought. What is this monster you query? The demon within me is doubt, and to conquer him, I must BELIEVE.

2011 in Review

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? Got a bikini wax – first and last.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions but I did stick to my change of eating lifestyle…. well until Thanksgiving. It has been all down here from there. I WILL be revisiting it starting January 1st! Hello vegan!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes.  My best friend from high school, though I haven’t gotten my hands on that nugglet yet! I also had quite a few close Blissfully Domestic friends give birth. Yeah for babies!! THIS JUST IN – my brother went to the hospital as I was typing this to give birth to their first baby – a girl!!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully no.

5. What places did you visit? Las Vegas, Nashville, Colorado, Michigan, Honduras, Utilla, Cabo and Boston.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? Patience, a sense of calm and organization.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 15th – Bear had two teeth pulled and I found out I won a trip to learn to surf at Las Olas Surf Safari.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting the negative people out of my life and surrounding myself with people who truly love me and make me happy AND expanding my abilities as a writer.

9. What was your biggest failure? Letting mean people win. It took me quite some time to realize the haters are just truly jealous. Life is too short to let the haters win.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Thankfully pretty healthy, just one knee issue that hampered me for a week.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My Hubby’s 40th birthday present. The look on his face when he opened it was priceless and I think (in fact I know) I rocked the Best Present EVER Award.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? The Love Drop Team. Every month they help a different person or family – for no other reason than the goodness in their heart. You rarely meet truly ‘good‘ peeps. These guys are good peeps.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The Pen State debacle. It sickened me to the core.

14. Where did most of your money go? While I would love to be snarky and say Hubby’s ex-wife, I think more money actually went towards our mortgage (but not much!).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our trip to Utilla. A week alone on an isolated island with my Hubby – divine!! Plus I got to see where his family came from and learn about his roots.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? LMFAO – I’m Sexy and I Know It.  This song has been a constant in our house and has provided me with hours of entertainment watching the boys dance to it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

  • happier or sadder? Definitely happier
  • thinner or fatter? thinner though this last month has given me a cookie belly.
  • richer or poorer? I am richer in my faith, my walk with God and am blessed everyday beyond what I deserve.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I had more time to read real books.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worried, dwell on the negative and not taking the time to live in the moment.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2011? With my entire family – first time in years. It was a great day.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011? I fell more in love with my husband everyday.

22. What was your favorite TV program? NCIS (both versions), Hawaii 50, Criminal Minds and Survivor.

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2011? Hubby threw me a surprise birthday party and my most favorite Michigan friend wrote another birthday homage that made me cry for days. I love both of them very much for making my day special!

24. What was the best book you read? Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

25. What did you want and get?  A yummy green B Makowsky purse (thanks Hubby)

26. What did you want and not get?  The last word. But maybe that is a good thing.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?  I loved introducing my boys to the Muppets.

28. Did you make some new friends this year?  Yes! I made a great new friend and she makes me laugh every day. KKP!!

29.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?  I hate to say it, but I can’t think of anything. While my year has had its ups and down, I truly think I am a better person from all the negative experiences. That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?  My own. I fluctuate between jean and converse, cords and Berks, sundresses, sassy boots – the whole gamut.

31. What kept you sane?  Writing, music, dancing, coffee and vino.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I do fancy me some Bradley Cooper.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?  I think most politics make a bigger deal of things then they need to.

34. Who did you miss?  I miss my friend in Nashua and my Grandma – every day.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. People are never who they appear or pretend to be so don’t always try and be the nice lassie.

How would you answer these questions? I would love to read your answers. I will also take a moment to point out that, while I am not a fan of meme’s, I did enjoy the reflection this one brought. Sometimes we move from one year to the other so quickly, that we forget all the things we learned. Thank you Yoga Mom for making me take the time to reflect.

My View Monday – Grace Under Fire

grace
I have been contemplating new ink for quite some time. I knew what and where I wanted it, but just needed to sit and ponder to make sure. And while I loved the idea, Hubby was not overly keen on the placement thus, more pondering.

Then, through the eye crack that is Pinterest, I found what I really longed for – white ink. Subtle yet there. Hubby loves it! Maybe even some day I’ll share the story.

A BIG thanks to Matt for the title of my post. If you love wine, heck, even if you just remotely like it – he’s the guy for you!

So what did YOU view this Monday??

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

In honor of Hubby’s and my anniversary I am posting one of my favorite songs. It makes me cry every time. Oh alright, I know I cry at everything but still! There’s some sentiment here. And while it is not your typical sappy love song, it embraces the depth of my love.

Happy Anniversary Hubby!

Making My List And Checking It Twice

The glorious gals at Todays Mama have teamed up with Just Ask to host a giveaway of a lifetime. No, I am serious. Think bucket list worthy. AND – they are giving away one of my bucket list items! (insert squee here)

Surfboard on Maui beach. I made my Bucket List some time ago and have been slowly checking off my progress. Number 28 – enjoy that one everyday. Number 5 – yeah, won’t be doing that again! Number 19 – love that I shared it with one of my besties. Number 9 -learn to surf is still not completed.

I have wanted to learn to surf for YEARS! It also doesn’t help that Hubby surfed and still has his boards in the basement. Being an ocean girl, I hear the waves calling me. What better way to become one with something so powerful than to embrace its power atop a piece of wood. And while it looks so easy, I know it is extremely difficult and I look forward to conquoring that challenge.

Wondering what the top 15 on my list are? Well then, here you go!

  1. Learn to surf
  2. Take a road trip in an RV
  3. Visit Cuba
  4. Bicycle through Napa Valley
  5. Backpack through Europe
  6. Walk on a frozen lake
  7. Try escargot
  8. Order dessert first in a restaurant
  9. Play paintball
  10. Celebrate Mardi Gras in New Orleans
  11. Take a belly dancing class
  12. Read Gone With The Wind
  13. Attend an Olympic competition
  14. Throw a brick through a window
  15. Cook a three course meal

Yes, I know I have a wide array of Bucket items but I think that is what makes it so much fun to complete. Plus, if it is on a list I have to be able to check it off. I wonder when Hubby is booking our trip to Fiji?? (Number 60 on my list)

This is my entry in the Just Ask Bucket List Getaway Giveaway. Just Ask offers a breast and ovarian cancer screening and is encouraging people to share 15 things that I want to enjoy in my lifetime as a reminder to be aware of my health. Want to enter? Head over to TodaysMama.com to get the details. 

It Feels Good To Feel Alive

I am in the midst of week two of my Dream Tending class. I will also point out that I am a week behind – sigh. So as part of our inner exploration, we must take a written journey. Here are my responses to this week’s (cough last weeks cough) assignments of Seven Things and Seven Minutes:

Seven Ways to Feel Alive

  1. Running
  2. Writing
  3. Taking pictures
  4. Walking along the ocean
  5. Spending time with my family
  6. Driving (fast) with the top down
  7. Dancing

Seven Minutes of Writing: Sometimes…

… I am feeling exposed and raw – tears streaming down my cheeks as my brain stops thinking and allows my pen to start feeling. Feverishly attacking the paper with emotions that were tired of being submerged.

Sometimes I feel like my best isn’t good enough. That no matter how hard I try, I am always one rung short of missing the top. There always seems to be someone better.

Sometimes I can sit and enjoy the silence – allow myself to get lost, drifting through my thoughts without worrying what needs to get done next.

Sometimes I am brought to tears by the bounty of God’s blessings. I am far from deserving, yet he continues to provide.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my boys that I wish I could freeze forever – capturing their pure happiness and youth that fills my heart with love till it is ready to burst at the seams.

Sometimes I wish they would just stop bickering and long for the days when laundry doesn’t lurk around every corner.

Sometimes I become so swept up in the moment that it reminds me just how lucky I am to have married my best friend.

Sometimes I just want to be me – and believe that that is ok.

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My View Monday – Playing With The Animals

my view mondayNo school, Indian Summer temps in the 80′s and Grandma is here for a visit – let’s go to the zoo! Being newer to this area, we had yet to visit our local zoo. And truly, we could not have asked for a better day. The boys were in heaven amongst their favorite animals and I was just happy to be out in the fresh air.

The zoo is huge and though we didn’t see all the animals, we now have an excuse to go back – hopefully soon!

What did you view this glorious Monday?

 

My View Mondays – Hammocking

utila, hammocking While I would love to say this is my view right now, it is not. (insert big sad Lassie face here) It was however, my view two weeks ago and I am desperately missing it. Did you know that ‘hammocking’ is a national past time in Utila? Oh, it is. Don’t worry, I made sure I made time to enjoy it. Who could pass up trying a national past time?

Utila, hammocks, hammockingI wonder if I can get ‘hammocking’ to take off in the states? Hmmmm…

What did you view today?

Bucket List – Another One Down

going topless Ah the bucket list. That little list that holds you accountable for those things you feel you need to do in your life span. That list that, thanks to technology, your husband knows about and reminds you when it may serve in his favor. Sigh…

Hubby and I travelled to Utila to visit his family and while there, discovered many hidden wonders and a lot of tranquil beauty. We also discovered many private and deserted beaches. *ahem*

So, at one of these visits I decided to check off #42 on my bucket list. (Sorry Dad! You may want to stop reading here.) While it took some talking into I am really glad I did it. Ironically, so is Hubby.

Though, if you know an Irishman, you know he is not one to be upstaged. No, he has to puff out his chest and one up you because, well, he’s just that guy.

Damn I love that man!!