30 Days of Honesty

Today I am starting on a trek – a trek to honesty. Many in the blogosphere are doing it, (like her… ooo and her) so why not join in? The journey is called “30 Days of Honesty”  While some of the questions look easy enough, there are already some that I am dreading. Honesty does require a bit of transparency and that transparency is making me a wee bit nervous. But what better way to conquer a fear then to face it head on? You are buying this right? So my first official post will be tomorrow.  Curious what the “30 Days of Honesty” entails? here is the list of questions.

  • Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
  • Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
  • Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
  • Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
  • Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
  • Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
  • Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
  • Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like sh*t.
  • Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
  • Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
  • Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
  • Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
  • Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
  • Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
  • Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
  • Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
  • Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
  • Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
  • Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
  • Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
  • Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
  • Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
  • Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
  • Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
  • Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
  • Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
  • Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
  • Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
  • Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
  • Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Want to join me? If you do let me know. We can conquer all that transparency together!

Something You Hate About Yourself

Well, nothing like diving right in on the first day! And already I am finding myself floundering. Sadly, I can think of a lot of things. I can go the whole physical route about how much I hate my belly pouch and expansive highway of stretch marks that goes across it. But on the flip side, I earned those marks (and pouch) by giving life to two of the most important little people in my life. I often joke when they ask me about all the marks that I want to tattoo little cars and semis on them, just to make them look a little prettier. I then proceed to remind them that it was their big fat melon heads that caused my belly to grow beyond what is normal, so in the end, it’s all their fault. Hey, I am Irish. We know ALL about Mommy guilt.

I could also focus on my issues with worrying and anxiety. There are days my mind perseverates on the “What ifs…” Nights that I lay awake wondering what what would happening if faced with A, B or C. It annoys me. It angers me. And quite frankly, it leaves me very tired and cranky in the morning. I try and move past it by take deep breaths and praying about it. I exercise and consume large amounts of coffee. I try and focus on all the positives in my life. But the reality of it is – the world we live in today is full of uncertainty and my brain doesn’t like it. Too many of my young friends have been diagnosed with cancer, too many of my friends have lost an adult child, too many of my friends are struggling with life. There is a lot to worry about, and often times, I let it get the best of me. Man I hate that.

Something You Love About Yourself

Funny how when asked to state something that you like, or even love about yourself, it automatically feels like boasting. It is common in a social setting to complain about ones short coming or about the thing the dislike of others, but when someone begins to discuss something they succeed in they are quickly viewed as a braggart. Well i am going to take this opportunity to share some of the things I truly love about myself. Let the bragging begin!

I pride myself in being a good friend, if you are deemed worthy. I do not take my friendships lightly and it take a lot for me to truly trust someone. Once you earn that trust – you are golden, unless of course you betray me. Then, well…. I am a Scorpion. We are know to strike fast. After that, you are of no use to me. But back to my goodness! Along with be a tried and true friend I am also, in my opinion, a good mother.  I love my boys more and more with each passing day. I know in my heart that I am raising them to be the men their future wives, and God, want them to be. And while their bickering and whining can easily push me over the edge, I know that some day I will miss this stage. Ok, maybe I won’t, but I will miss them being small. I love watching them grow into smart, sensitive and strong young men and I take pride that I have a role in that.

Of course, I also think I am a good wife and I am sure, on most days, my husband would agree. I love, respect and honor but am also truthful and honest. Not that I am without faults!! But I am lucky enough to have a husband who will tolerate them (on most days).

Something You Have To Forgive Yourself For

Aaaah, perfection. It is a quick and easy answer, with a plaguing lifelong history. I am constantly trying to hold myself to an unachievable standard. It takes a lot out of me and can be quite the mental downer.

I will say however, that some days are better then others. Some days I embrace my dust bunnies. Heck, someday I ask them if they would be so kind as to clean the bathrooms while I am out. They never do though. Darn those dust bunnies!

Other days, I am far less tolerant. I get angry when I step on, yet another Lego/sword/action figure/dirty sock. I curse myself for not being able to keep a clean house, a homemade meal on the table every night, the laundry from overflowing like Mount Vesuvius. I quickly judge myself when I walk into someone else’s  home and it is neat and tidy. Their floors are clean and there are no dirty dishes on the counter. Why can’t I get my life to look like that?

Then I realize, my life cannot look like that because that, is not my life. My life has moments of calm amongst the chaos. My life has dust bunnies and dirty dishes. My life has random dirty socks. My life is perfectly unperfected and I need to learn to love it.

forgiveness

Something You Have To Forgive Someone For

I have been pondering this question for quite some time. I have gone back to my childhood, my teen years and through my adult life – there isn’t a person I have not forgiven. I will clarify that there are definitely things I remember and that I won’t forget. There are things that cannot be made right. There are grievances that, no matter how hard I try or how often I pray about them, those grievances still remain. Some, I am sad to say, are so deeply etched in my inner being that they greatly effect many of the decisions I make today.

But as a Christian, I believe forgiveness is a choice. It is a choice I make because it is the choice He wants me to make. Do I always like it? No. Do I sometimes forgive people half heartedly? Yes. Do I forgive people who don’t ask for forgiveness. Often. Do I ask for forgiveness? Every. Single. Day.

I highly recommend giving forgiveness a try, even to someone you truly believe does not deserve it.  You will be amazed at the lightness in your heart and while the feeling is not always immediate, over time that weight will be lifted.

Something You Hope To Do In Your Life

Finally! An easy one. Yes, this Lassie has great dreams, grand aspirations, hopes galore. You can see many of these hopes and dreams on my Bucket List. Go ahead, click it. I will wait…..

Oh good you came back! I was getting a little worried. As you can see, there is a lot I hope to do in this lifetime. I long to live overseas which is further fueled by my intense desire to travel. Oh how I would love to backpack through Europe, explore the jungles of Belize, chase a kangaroo through the outback. Ok, maybe not chase a kangaroo because I heard they can attack and knowing my luck… well, we all know my luck! I’ll settle with nuzzling a koala.

There are also things I hope for that aren’t so neat and tidy on a list. I hope to watch my boys grow into amazing adults. I hope to one day hold a grandchild. I hope my boys never have to experience something so traumatizing it scars them. I hope I get to enjoy my retirement with my Hubby. Heck at this point, I just hope to retire! But most of all, and as cliche as it sounds, I hope for happiness.

Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

I can keep this short and simple because it was the first thing that flew in my mind when I read this. I hope I never have to bury one of my children. Nuff said.

Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

Again, I could easily sum this up in two words: my boys.  I have always wanted to be a mother. As a child, I could not wait for the day that I would have my own little bundle of joy. Well, I was blessed with not one, but two bundles of boyous joy. Yep, I live in the world of Legos, Matchbox cars, bodily functions and stinky socks. And do you know what?? I would not change it for the world.

Ironically, I was elated when I found out I was having boys. One girl in my house is more than enough. Oh, and that one girl – is me! I am having a hard enough time with the male version of me. I can’t imagine if he was a she. Aycaramba!

But my crazy chaotic life of boys keeps me grounded. It gives me purpose and a desire to strive for what might normally be ‘the unattainable’. Even better than tackling this crazed life alone, is tackling it with my leprechaun wrangling Hubby. Cause let’s be honest: I wouldn’t have my rambunctious leprechauns without him!!