Almost a year ago I had an epiphany of sorts. I will blame it on the whole ‘turning 40‘ thing. I took a big step back and really analyzed where I was in my life, what I wanted and where I wanted to go. This ordeal sent my mind spinning in crazy directions, leaving me truly wondering what did I want? It was at that moment I decided to walk away.
Now, any of you that know me realize I do not do change well. I stayed at the crappiest job ever for 12 years because the thought of change scared me more than the toxic people I worked with. After much prayer and a gift from God, I was able to leave that job for a new one I truly loved. Fast forward two years and change would have its way with me again as we up and moved from Chicago to the grand ole state of Texas. New town, new state, knowing no one. I couldn’t even get to the grocery store without my navigation in my car. But I trudged on and am now getting quite familiar with this new land and have been able to do so without relying solely on Google Maps. Yeah me!
I tackled turning 40 with my bestie by taking a girls surfing trip to Barbados. It was amazing; the food, the surf, the stories – oh the stories! I think this picture sums it up quite well.
Now Kat, weren’t you talking about walking away? Yes, yes I was. I decided in my pre-midlife crisis moment to walk away from writing. This included my blog, Blissfully Domestic, my journal and every other writing platform I was working on or posting to. Seems easy I know, but when something has been a part of your life for eight years it is hard to walk away. Through writing and blogging I have made fierce life long friendships, I have met amazing people, been inspired over and over again, have finally been among people that ‘get’ me – how could I walk away from everything I loved and cherished. These guys.
And Hubby, I can’t forget Hubby. I had caught myself one too many times saying, “Just give me a minute to finish this up” and “Can you please quiet down? Mommy need to get her work/writing/post done“. I was actually convicted by Monkey who said, “I know Mom, you always say that.” Whoa. THAT is not what I wanted to hear. I didn’t want them to remember me as some crazy haired person hiding behind a laptop. I wanted them to remember me; that I spent time with them, was fully present in their lives, that I cared about them more than the internet, that I loved them with all my heart and soul.
So after a heart to heart with Hubby and his assurance that the world would go on if I didn’t blog, I took a break. To say it was easy would be a big fat lie. I was like an addict – “If I just quick put up this haiku I just wrote people wouldn’t forget about me, maybe if I do just one more 100 Words….” The list went on and on. I made a conscious effort to leave my laptop out of plain sight. I actually hid it in my closet. Pathetic, I know. But I missed it. I still miss it. But by walking away for a bit it made me realize how much time I was truly spending on it. Time that I could never get back with my family.
So now our family rule is no laptops after dinner. Internet time has been replaced with mandatory family snuggle time on the couch. And even though it is cramped and squishy and full of boy madness, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But I am trying to find a way write more. Because life has to be about balance right?